How to Pick Up Girls on Orkut

There are several ways you could approach this situation. You could talk to girls in real life, but that is slow and difficult. Because communicating via network is more powerful than communicating via broadcast, we would be losing out on the network effect if we were to approach girls manually. Approaching girls at parties and bars is like Pussy 1.0. I'm here today to introduce you to an entirely new concept, one that I like to call Pussy 2.0. By using Orkut, we can greatly amplify our ability to pick up bitches. Think of it like turning a pussy magnet into a pussy electro-magnet.

Setting the Scene

The first step is making yourself look cool. In general, you want to project an image that combines manliness and wealth. No balls, no blue chips. No blue chips, blue balls.

Now that you know the strategy, let's look at the tactics:

1. Get as many friends as possible. If you don't have at least 100 friends, you should probably kill yourself.
2. Write on lots of people's walls. Then they'll be obligated to write back on your wall, and you'll look really cool.
3. Make sure you're profile picture has alcohol in it. This will make it look like you have lots of friends and get invited to all the cool parties.
4. Under interests, list things like your favorite clothing brand and where you last went on vacation. This will subtly hint that you have lots of money in a tasteful way.
5. Say that you're married to another guy. Everyone will think this is really funny. Trust me.
6. If all your music tastes are really obscure, add at least one trashy pop album. This will make you look like a man of the people. Alternatively, if all your music is generic rock, add at least one album that no one has ever heard of. This will make you look classy.
7. Join lots of political groups about things like ending discrimination and saving Darfur. This absolves you from real world responsibilities like helping others and voting. If Martin Luther King Jr. were still alive today, this is exactly what he'd be doing.

Remember, success comes first in the mind, then in your pants, never the other way around.

The Initial Contact

The next step is to actually approach the women. Here are some general principles for success:

1. Poke lots of random girls. If you do this enough, one of them will definitely have sex with you.
2. Choose girls with no pictures. If the girl has no picture, there's probably a reason. If you want to seal the deal, then deal with the seal. Ask girls out on their wall instead of through private messages. If you can't charm them into saying yes, then publicly embarrass them into not saying no.
3. Once you ask her out and she says yes, don't sign onto AIM or answer your phone until your date. This will make it harder for her to change her mind.
4. Similarly to rule three, choose a date that's hard for her to get out of if she gets nervous. For a good first date, I'd suggest a plane ride to Thailand with a twelve year old bottle of wine.

Getting Her to Have Sex With You

When trying to figure out whether or not a girl likes you, learn to recognize the holy trinity: She touches you, she lets you touch her, or she touches herself. While there's no way to know for sure whether a girl likes you short of hooking electrodes up to her genitals, these are some good signs. But what do you do if she doesn't seem to like you? The best answer is hypnosis. Here are some tips:

1. Try to penetrate your vocabulary with sexual words to get her subliminally turned on. Use phrases like, "The sky above us is so beautiful, but so is the ground blow me." This will make her want to have sex with you. It really works!!
2. Using leading phrases like, "Before we go back to my apartment, would you like another drink?" By hiding a statement inside a question, she is forced to do what you say, as if you had Jedi mind powers. This rare technique is impossible for her to resist.